Monday, February 23, 2009

#5: The Rough Faced Shag

I was taking time out of my busy dirt bag schedule to work on a brand new blog I'm doing with Jesse Pruden (eeeeee!) and decided I should update this fucking cool thing. Here goes!

Rough Faced Shag

This bird name is almost too easy to make fun of, but holy shit! Not only does this bird have an embarrassing common name, its latin name is PHALACROCORAX CARUNCULATUS. How much does that suck? Latin people AND modern people can make fun of this guy. There are too many obvious jokes on just the name front for me to even bother. Please "insert" your own.

Ok, I will make one. Rough Faced Shag sounds like what you call a lumberjack that you totally FUCKED! No wait, it sounds like an ugly guy you totally FUCKED! No, no, it sounds like a burn, a type of, it's a beard fetish! Somebody stop me! It feels toooooooo good!

Anyways, yeah other than all those SUUUUUUUPER funny jokes I just made (weren't they good and also funny?) this bird looks like it has balls on its face. Balls that are made out of brains. Brain balls. That are orange! So...that sucks. And they are right in front of the bird's eyes, so all they look at all day is tiny little brain balls. That would drive me insane. It's probably really frustrating to constantly teabag oneself. So defeating.

They have these tiny little mohawk kind of things going on atop their heads and a blue ring around their eyes. It makes them look like cyber punks, which I guess is ok, for a bird. According to movies about the FUTURE made in the 1980s (man's most futuristic decade) cyber punks are going to exist FOREVER. Good news for this fucked up looking little dude, hey? Maybe he will be teamed up with a Daryl Hannah type character and wear some sort of modified swimsuit looking thing and actually turn out to be a ROBOT all along and this doesn't really make sense anymore and isn't very funny so I'm going to move on. This is what happens when you get me onto the topic of cyber punks, so I should've known better than to even begin this paragraph.

This bird is also known as the King Shag, which is altogether more impressive sounding than the Rough Faced Shag. Although, it kind of sets you up for disappointment. You google it imagining a tiny crowned treasure and all you get is Ballface. Sad.

I guess this bird isn't tooooo ugly. Just kind of unfortunate looking. I have a thing for weird shit on faces though, so I might just be over sensitive. I also have a thing with googly eyes you should ask me about sometime. This bird is a lot better than a couple other ones which have been showcased in this blog, so I guess it does alright. Because I said so.

Ok I'm tired of this.


See? Brain balls.


Ron Humanton said...

This is the best blog I've ever seen. Please, do more of this!

Do you know about Woodcocks? They're tricky! Yellow-Shafted Flickers? They have beautiful shafts! Titmouses? Great tits.


Lexington Alexander said...

This is hilarious! I actually made a game about funny bird names. You should check it out here and let me know what you think!

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