Monday, June 2, 2008

#1: The Rainbow Bee-eater

First, an explanation. I was recently at the Royal Ontario Museum in Toronto and was pleased at their giant room of dead birds. While perusing the selection of magestic corpses, I noticed that a lot of birds have funny names. Like, hilarious names. Some so fucking awesome that I wish I had them as my own.

I've decided to start this blog just so I can point out how great and embarrassing ( for the birds themselves) these names can be. Understand? Fucking awesome. Let's begin:

Before I even go into the specifics of this bird, holy fuck! Rainbow Bee-eater? Way to be named after exactly what you are! I love that. I should be named Sleepy Buttface.

Anyways, this is a super adorable bird from Australia that eats bees. Get it? Before they eat a bee, they bash it against a rock to get the stinger out. Brutal. How many of you grab bees, fuck them up, and then eat them? Not many of you. You should feel impressed or at least interested right now.

There are a couple types of bee-eaters (that's the specific family of birds they belong to.) Rainbows are part of the regular, really common ones. There's also bearded bee-eaters. That sounds like something you'd call a crazy person. Another adorable sounding bee-eater is The Little Bee-eater, which also sounds like something you'd call a person you were mad at for eating all your bees. "You goddamned little bee-eater! Get off my bee farm!"

They mate for life and the male brings home dead bees for his mate. Like when your boyfriend brings home one of those dome chickens from Safeway and it makes you super happy. They also lives in holes in the ground, which I can realte to. I live in a hole in the ground.

Anyways, I know most people don't care about funny bird names but go fuck yourself. Don't be pissed because you were named Stephanie or James or Matt or Jessica. I'm sorry your parents gave you a common name. I understand. There were 11 girls with the same name as me in my graduating class. But don't take it out on hilarious birds. Just change your name to Fast Walking Hot dog-eater or Acne Throated Dirt Bag or something else that describes you.

Unless you are lucky enough to have been born rainbow coloured and you eat a lot of bees. Then you can just take Rainbow Bee-eater. I will let you do that.

I am in charge of bird names.

-Sarah F.
Rainbow Bee-eater!

Little Tiny Bee-eater!


Jeremy Curry said...

This is the funniest fucking thing i've read in a while!

vanessa said...

sarah! there is also an amazing hall of dead birds at the royal alberta museum in edmonton. kev and i spent two hours just in that room the last time we were there. check it out!
ps. this is a super sweet blog idea!


Courtney Janet said...


i guess he's not going to live the stereotypes.
i feel for that little grasshopper munching bee-eater.

Girl Belletristic said...

This is the cutest, funniest thing I have read in a long time.

Mydogis said...

I was laughing so hard
All I wanted was a google image search for bee-eaters, but this is so much better.

Heart of the matter said...

This blog rules the roost :D You've gotten another follower

Anna said...

How about the blue footed booby?