Tuesday, October 7, 2008

#3: Hoary Redpoll

First off, sorry I haven't updated this in a long time. I was busy having a life and not giving a shit about birds with silly names. How awful of me. I've realized now that ripping your life up by the roots and moving it across the country isn't important. No. Birds are important. Not meeting new people, planning for a career, working towards an enriched future. Birds and their names are what matter.

Which brings us to that little scamp, the Hoary Redpoll.

I don't like this bird. I read about it, I saw it stuffed at the Museum of Nature, I looked at pictures online. I don't like it. It's like a creepy arctic Chickadee. Only the thing about a chickadee is that you can look at it and be like "Oh, a fucking Chickadee. I understand that bird" but with the Hoary Redpoll, I think it'd be more like "Why is that bird ripping out its own feathers?"

They do that. If they get too hot they rip out their feathers. I mean, that's creepy. It's not like if you saw someone walking down the street tearing their hair out you'd think "Oh wow, that guy must be really hot." Apparently this bird grows more feathers than regular birds, because they live where it's cold (in the arctic!) but sometimes they just get too hot and go to town on their plumage.

I listened to a recording of their call online and I almost passed out. It's like.....the shrillest, most invasive trilling I've ever heard. I really think I started blacking out after the 3rd time I listened to it. I can't imagine what a whole group of these fuckers would sound like. Oh wait, I do know what it would sound like. Fucking horrible. We'd all have aneurysms for sure. I mean it. It's a fact that we would all have aneurysms. That's how terrible they sound.

And what sort of name is Hoary Redpoll. One website says they are named "to commemorate Danish botanist Jens Wilken Hornemann" but uhhhhhh the words hoary, red, and poll don't appear anywhere in his name. Maybe he discovered Redpolls? Maybe he was always covered in hoar frost or something? Whatever the case, I'm sure he would've like "The Hornemann Bird" over "The Hoary Redpoll". That sounds like something mean you call a girl when she gets her period for the first time in gym class. I feel bad for that girl. And for that bird.

All in all, this is a creepy bird that makes you feel like throwing up when it talks to you and has a terrible name. Thumbs down on this sad sack. Next time I'll pick a better bird so you don't have to learn about such a crappy part of nature again.


It looks like it just buried its face into someone's guts. Creepy asshole.


Saint Dymphna said...


Leah said...

Wow, such a small bird to be receiving so much of your hate and pity. No wonder it moved to the Arctic.

TheBorderline Personality said...

it looks like a period